DO YOU NEED TO SHIFT THE SPOTLIGHT?
The hard truth is that for many of us, food holds a place in our lives that goes well beyond the place it is intended. Namely nourishment and yes, even communing over meals with people. For some of us, eating has become a well worn coping mechanism in our lives. We eat to feel comfort, avoid stress and hard situations, managing challenging emotions, for entertainment, as a reward, as a punishment, and so on.
Working on this coping mechanism that has become a constant companion through the decades of our lives is way more complex than just the information in a newsletter. It is hard work that is about way more than just the type of food we are eating and gets deeper into why we are using food this way. If you can relate to this and are doing this work for yourself, today I want to talk about a powerful tool that can be helpful, taking the focus of food and redirecting yourself.
Whether we call it cravings, mindless eating, an impulse to eat or desire to binge, we turn to food in moments we know we should not or we feel we must but regret afterwards. The process here is about helping you pause before you take the action and make a different choice. Like many things in life this sounds simple enough, but simple does not mean easy or we wouldn’t be having this discussion. So let’s get into it!
It Starts With Honest Mindfulness
This first step is about acknowledging the presence of this behavior and building awareness around when it is happening and how you are feeling at that time. Often this is a bit of “Monday Morning Quarterbacking” where we have to process after it happens. What were the circumstances around the moment? What was happening that day and what were you feeling about it? Why was food the choice at that time? Was it a habitual action or a response? Asking yourself these questions helps you identity patterns of behavior and your conscious feelings in the moment. And the answers are important to consider.
Be Conscious of Your Red Flags
Wanting to shift your focus from eating to a different course of action means taking your answers to those questions and identifying the “red flags” that can help you be mindful of when you may use food in a way that doesn’t serve your physical and emotional health and your goals. For each person this can be different, so you need to dig into yourself. Do you often find yourself eating after a stressful day at work, when you’re bored, when you have a situation to address you want to avoid? Are you prone to this happening at certain times of day, in certain locations or circumstances, when you are alone and have access to food? Think about this and literally make a list of what you can identify. And then? Commit to working on being mindful throughout your day of when these flags may be present. This is challenging and may feel awkward at first, but setting actual times to check in with yourself can be truly helpful. The awkward feeling is often due to our habitual avoidance of assessing ourselves. It is far easier to be reactive than proactive. This takes practice that I truly believe is worth it.
Prepare Your Options
This is not really a “next step” but a tangential action that is worth your attention. If the overall goal is going to be giving yourself pause so you can identify where you are headed and refocusing yourself on doing something else instead, preparation is important. Knowing you need to do something else and actually knowing what you will do are too different things. It may sound easy to say “Okay, when I see a red flag I will do something else” it is very different when you are in the actual moment and food feels like the only option. Having a prepared list of things you will do instead of eating is a powerful tool in and of itself. You can keep it on your phone as a note so instead of having to “figure things out” in the moment, you have a definitive list to choose from ready to go. Again, this is something that should be personalized to you so take some time to brainstorm the things that feel right to you. But a little help is always welcome, right? So kick off your exercise here, I have prepared a list of 20 things you can do instead of eating. Take a look and build upon it. Your list should be things you can actually do, so consider that there are times where taking off on a walk is not always possible. Think about things you can do under any general circumstances as well. For example, if your challenge is about managing a social event or family gathering, an option to consider is something as simple as stepping in another room or outside to breathe and focus on your “why” for a minute or two.
Pause & Be Decisive
The goal here is to help yourself put your foot on the brakes and not just let go of the wheel! You’re working on your mindfulness around when the food thoughts are growing or fully present, and you’re armed with your list. If that is where you are at the moment, now is the time to take action. Pause and take a deep breath. Talk to yourself and talk back to the thoughts you’re having. Try to identify what you are feeling and what might be driving your craving. Remind yourself of why it is important to make the right decision right now. The key to shifting your focus is to be decisive and intentional. It is telling yourself “Food is not an option right now, so instead I will do (your choice from your list here!) You are making a clear choice to do something else, not just talking about it. So you need to follow through and do it. Remember the mindfulness as well. If you choose to do something else, complete it, and still want to eat, be conscious and determine what you will do next. This can be another option from your list, determining if the desire is being driven by something that you are avoiding and might actually need to address now, or might you actually be truly hungry. If you suspect you might actually be hungry, there is a choice to make. You can be hungry and still move on with your day if you feel like you can assure yourself that you haven’t eaten what you need to already today or that you have more food coming at your next meal which fits your plan and goals. There are indeed times we are actually hungry, especially when being in a caloric deficit for weight management is a part of your goals, but you do not need to immediately eat. Being hungry happens, and is not the crisis we sometimes make it out to be. For the most part, this blog has been about the times that you are fully conscious that hunger is not the real issue, but I did want to speak to that. If intentionally and purposefully shifting your planned food for the day around will help you avoid feeling out of control with your eating, this is okay!
Doing Hard Things is Okay
I say this a lot but this work is hard! Be kind to yourself and give yourself grace as you work on building these habits. Mistakes are human and will happen. They do not mean you are a failure or that you cannot build change. The most important choice we make is always the next one. If you feel you didn’t manage a situation well, assess your actions and think through what you might do differently next time, and then? Move on! I do not say that flippantly but moving past a decision you’re not happy with is empowering especially when you feel you know what you need to do when you encounter that situation again. Something that can be very hard here in doing this work is encountering a situation where you say to yourself, “I know what I should do, but I am not going to do that now.” I think more of us encounter this than we would like to admit. And we know how it feels afterwards as well. When you do run into this I think it is very important to go back to the mindful questions, and ask yourself, “Why do I think I did this anyway?” That is a hard conversation to have honestly with yourself but can be a powerful learning moment that helps you identify things that need attention.
Now I could actually be flippant and say “Now rinse & repeat!” But that is actually what you need to do as you put this into action. Be conscious of the lessons you are learning about yourself and the situations that challenge you as you move forward. Different “red flags” may require different responses. This is completely okay. There is no one magic answer to find when it comes to managing a healthy relationship with food. It is about finding many answers and helping yourself be conscious of them. Working on accountability to yourself and others as needed can be very helpful. This is very true when you start digging into all of this and find yourself coming back to the issues that may be driving your behavior but in the end have nothing to actually do with food. Having someone to talk to outside of yourself can be very helpful, whether that is a counselor, loved one, accountability partner or even a coach.
If the suggestions I have made here feel intimidating, remind yourself that you are worth the tough work ahead. Changing long term learned behavior and finding new coping mechanisms is a process that takes time. Give yourself that time.
