SHINE A LIGHT!

In this blog I wanted to talk about something that might feel relatable to many of you reading, and definitely is one of the biggest forms my disordered relationship with food has taken, sneak eating. The eating we do when no one is watching. More specifically the eating we INTENTIONALLY do when no one is watching. Sneak eating may encompass binge behavior, more moderate overeating, or even a choice to eat things we feel we shouldn’t eat when someone else is watching.

I’d like to look at why I believe this behavior persists for many of us and what we can do to start working on it.

Why We Sneak Eat

Shame

We sneak eat because we feel shame around the behavior it includes. Often as people who have been overweight or possess disordered eating behavior, we perceive our eating to be something that others judge or focus on. Sneak eating allows us to give in and indulge in ways that we would not publicly without the fear of judgment. There was no need to explain why I was eating a large pizza, McDonald’s and a half gallon of ice cream at once if I did it alone. There were no eyes on me when I ate a full box of keto cookies even if I did it behind closed doors. I knew that ordering 4 Big Macs at once was not typical behavior but if I did it alone, I could. In many ways this sense of shame relates heavily to perception and building things up in our heads. We believe that all eyes are on us, when in reality they simply might not be.

Thrill

For me and I think many of you out there, there is a thrill to planning a private binge meal. It felt taboo and “naughty” in a way that was oddly exhilarating. I could shop without restriction knowing I was planning to eat every item in my basket as soon as I got home, but no one else knew that. It was like an exciting game to play when there wasn’t much else in my life that gave  me that feeling. It was my “sport.” Can you relate to this? That giddy excitement that can almost be overwhelming at times. Often we sneak eat foods that we define as “off limits” or “bad,” so there can be a sense of transgression. This speaks volumes about our relationship with different foods for sure!

Comfort

When food is a coping mechanism for stress, overwhelming emotions, etc., sneak eating can be a release and a comfort. When people are frustrating, food can be a friend, food doesn’t talk back, or make demands. It allows us to bury ourselves in it and not face the feelings we want to run from. For many of us, high fat & high sugar foods can impact our brain’s pleasure center the same way that a drug can, trigger a dopamine release (Read about that here!) When we eat alone, we are more likely to eat these foods with reckless abandon.

I do believe there may be other reasons for this behavior that resonate with you. The important piece is looking inward to examine why you think this behavior is a part of your life. Which is why I want to dive into my thoughts on how we start addressing this behavior head on and with deliberate action.

What We Can Do About It

Identify Triggers

With this I don’t just mean that work you’re already doing on the reasons and forces in your life that drive your behavior, I mean identify the circumstances, foods, interactions, etc. that traditional trigger this behavior. Is after work in the evening? When people you live with are out for the day or travel? Is it when you’re in a different location than you’re home? Or are you like me and it’s all of these things and more? Sitting down and doing a personal inventory of the circumstances leading to your most recent episodes can be helpful and insightful. Ask yourself: Where was I before it happened? Where was I when it happened? What happened that day or the days before that caused you to start thinking about it? Was it a spur of the moment decision or planned out? What had I been feeling before I made the decision? Write your answers down! Look for patterns and commonalities you can identify.

Set Boundaries

With your triggers in mind and your pattern of behavior in mind as well, start to think about the personal boundaries and rules you need to put into place to help you navigate those circumstances. This can involve limiting access to funds at times (yes, I mean leaving credit cards at home if the drive to and from work is a challenge!), setting rules for meal time, identifying accountability tools and partners, setting a plan for your eating for the day when you are not feeling challenged, defining certain foods and their locations as off limits. The idea of boundaries or restrictions may sound extreme to some folk but a behavior that is threatening our health is extreme in and of itself and sometimes requires decisive action. It may mean identifying there are some foods that you only eat when you are in place that you feel offers greater structure and not unrestricted access.

Prepare Our Environment

This may be the most simple. Defining the foods that you do not keep in your house and do not allow yourself to bring into it. “House” can be swapped for any of the circumstances you identified when looking at your triggers but making change at home can be the most challenging, especially if you live with people that eat things that are your problem foods. It’s not always possible to simply demand compliance with your wishes, but it is possible to be open and honest about your needs and work with those people you live with and care for you to find compromise. It can mean identifying specific cabinets that are for certain foods. We already organize our storage so it is not an out of the ordinary request, especially if you feel you can be honest about why this is important to you, which is a great segue into the next strategy category.

Get Vocal

You most likely knew this suggestion was going to show up eventually and if you are like me at all it is the one that fills you with the most dread. Setting up rules, cleaning up your cabinets even identifying your honest triggers can seem reasonable. The idea of actually talking about your behavior with someone else however can be absolutely terrifying. It means exposing a part of yourself that you have worked hard to hide and build walls around, but it is truly important. So yes, I am talking about finding the right person or people to talk about your sneak eating behavior. This can be a friend, a family member, a coach, a therapist… anyone really as long as it is someone you do feel comfortable talking to about it. Talking about it makes it real. Talking about it gets the behavior out of your own head and makes examining it easier. Talking about is a huge step that is about admitting you have something that you want to change. Change is hard and scary, especially when it is something that has been a part of your life for a long time and is intimately linked to your ability to cope with challenges in your life. THIS IS OK!! It is ok to be afraid. I will tell you that like many of our fears it grows bigger inside of our own minds that it is in practice. For this reason it can truly help to find someone who has been through a similar experience to share together, a support group for food issues, or an objective observer like a counselor or coach. Asking for help and support is not easy as well but it is always okay. And if the first person you speak to cannot meet your needs, do not give up. You are worth fighting for!

Build New Behavior Patterns

This last piece is about putting all of the prior ones into action. Defining what your boundaries look like in your day to day life, what your accountability relationships will consist of, and what are your goals around your desire to change and the plans of action that will support them. Changing habits takes time and effort. If you have been sneaking eating since childhood, it may take years to master the new behaviors that will support your positive choices and growth. This is normal. Specifically I want to encourage you to start working on a list of actions you can take instead of sneak eating. Things that will not only provide distraction but also help you redirect the emotions and needs involved. Your list won’t look like mine, and vice versa. For me the new behaviors I had to establish included having someone to let know when I was feeling like doing it again, creating a list of what my next steps are immediately instead of eating, committing to tracking all of my eating that day regardless of what it includes, and reaching out to the person again when I felt “in the clear.”

I called this blog “Shine A Light” because I not only wanted to bring light to a topic I don’t think we discuss openly enough but because this is a behavior that festers in the dark places, inside of us and out. You may not find relief from this challenging habit overnight but it is one that can be corrected and addressed through mindfulness and a willingness to be uncomfortable. If you want to work on this with someone who knows this challenge well, let’s talk.